• I Need a Black Arm Band

    I'm heartsick. This gorgeous cursive Royal belongs to someone else and I just watched her go. Damn Ebay, and damn my earlier resolve not to buy another typewriter until September.

    Why do the best typewriters show up when I'm trying to be good? It would be easy to wish terrible things on the person who bought it, but instead I'm going to sling out what little gypsy abracadabra I have left and hope the new owner finds it too feminine, clunky, unrepairable. I'm scattering a Boredom Curse out, like birdshot.

    I'm wafting them with Oh-Dear-I-Guess-I-Should-Just-Resell-This-On-Ebay-After-September-1st vibes.

    My vibes used to be unparalleled, but I'm a little rusty now. Wish me luck.

    Good Lord.

    10 comments → I Need a Black Arm Band

    1. I suspect this Royal carries with it an evil curse, and your typewriter karma is such that you instinctively knew to avoid it, even though on the surface, it seemed like the one that got away.

    2. Thank you. I needed to hear that in the worst way.

      I've avoided certain calamity. it sounds better like that.

    3. Wow. That is one good-looking machine.

      However: I think strikethru is right. The two Royals I've had, of about the same vintage, haven't been all that great to type on. I had a Futura just like yours, and it was down near the bottom of the list as far as type-ability.

      I'm sure something even more exciting is coming after Labor Day.

      (Says Duffy, who still has sweaty-sheet nightmares about the Underwood De Luxe that went to another buyer, the De Luxe that looked just like the one E.B. White used to write Charlotte's Web, and for which Duffy has lusted since, like, forever.)

    4. I'm almost afraid to tell you that I was the one who got it.

      My second typewriter ever, when I was a teenager, was a Royal FP of similar vintage (though a much more mundane battleship grey). Looks not withstanding, it was a fine machine, and I always felt a little regret for not holding on to it.

      We shall have a standing truce of your envying my yet-to-be-named Royal whilst I envy your Agnes.

    5. IT.WAS.YOU.

      Okay, I do feel better knowing it went to someone who actually cares about her. And I promise to stop the wicked bad luck vibes immediately.

      I don't know, though. Some may have already leaked out. Be careful.

      Just promise you won't name her something awful like Esmerelda or Gertrude. Pinky-promise me right now.

    6. Um, Olivander. Don't forget-- this machine has an EVIL CURSE.

    7. An EVIL CURSE. Oh, yeah? Well, is it more evil than me? I've been known to wipe the floor with EVIL CURSES and send them yipping into the night.

      Monda, but...but...what if she screams to me, "Brunhilda!"

    8. Perhaps a typewriter swap could be arranged on Neutral Territory? I recommend Northern California. Bring two-color ribbons.

    9. I further propose we institute a kind of free-love typewriter reselling program, that involves just passing the same machines around in a circle.

      When someone needs money they can sell them off to someone in the circle, and when they realize the error of their ways, they can buy them back.

    10. I feel your pain. I recently just missed out on a fabulous Underwood 5 on ebay. It was over a week ago and I still haven't really got over it. Some things are, unfortunately, simply not meant to be. The one you end up with is the one you are meant to have. And it's waiting for you, somewhere........

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